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A quest for adequacy, or the slow natural death of obsessions.
I saw a Penny Arcade comic recently that spoke to me. This is who I used to be as well. Obsessive about minute details around my phone or my computer, looking to optimize value for money for any new purchase, tuning the device all the time.
These days, I feel most computers and phones are more than adequate for my needs, and the best configuration is one that maintains itself.
I’ve always wanted to write a novel. I’ve tried doing so a few times. Usually, I get a few pages in, then peter out. Ideas are a dime a dozen, but I have no idea how to take one from concept to creation. To get past that, I’ve taken part in a few Nanowrimos. That takes me a little further - a few chapters rather than a few pages. I’ve never gone beyond that though.
When my daughter was a bit over a year old, she’d do something naughty and tell us that one of her stuffed toy dogs did it. ‘Rocky did it.’ ‘Snowy was very naughty.’ At the time, she treated her dogs as companions, having conversations with them, ascribing personalities to them and so on, so we fell in line and scolded the dog in question with appropriate seriousness. Throughout all this, my daughter would have a teeny-tiny smirky smile at having pulled one over her gullible parents’ eyes.
I work in IT, and have been doing so now for two decades. For the last few years, my role has become more and more managerial and consequently, less and less technical. This change didn’t play to my strengths. I found myself stressed and unhappy, in charge of a lot and in control of very little. Some people are suited to this sort of a job and do well in it, but over time I felt like I was drowning in my responsibilities.